I bring home assignments to mark, coloured papers to cut, laptop to plan my weekly schedule and now a bag full of emotions.
I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me but I'm such an emotional person. Get attached too easily, fall too fast,hard too hard and i don't know know how pure hatred is suppose to work.
It kills me inside when my students lies and doesn't live up to my expectation and most of the time instead of being really angry at them, i feel damn upset when an 8 year old innocent kid is lying or stealing.
When i see how irresponsible their damn parents are, i feeling like going up to them to give them a lecture too.Fuck you if you can fool around and decide you want a child but you just let her wild when you feel like you can't damn control her.
Yes yes,that's when i say i care too much. I don't know why it seems like i'm taking care of 30 of my own children and i'm so attached and affected by every single one of them.
I don't even act like i'm 19 now. I miss all the shorts,my cropped tops and the casual conversations.I miss joking around 24/7 and talking about the most cheesy stuffs and have girlfriends to accompany me to toilet breaks.
It's damn sad when you don't know how to joke right in front of your colleagues because you don't want to offend others and most of the days,i go walk home alone feeling unbelievingly lonely. I used to have either peishan or bernyce to walk me to the mrt station(at least) but now i'm all alone. When i'm all down after work and i wish there was someone to talk to, i only have myself. I don't even dare to ask anyone out for dinner or fun and sometimes when i'm just slightly friendlier to the male colleagues in the staff room, i'm so damn afraid others would think i'm flirting..sigh.
In class,i have to speak and act perfectly. Damn the grammar and tenses and i can never understand why i keep saying CLOSE THE LIGHTS. IT'S TURN OFF THE LIGHT FOR GOD SAKE. I almost called one of my student 'dude' and because i use english so much nowadays, i relief chinese lessons stuttering in bad chinese.
How can i still be feeling so angsty after that 1 hour of yoga and 100 x 60 counts of deep breathing and child's pose. Dear god.
I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me but I'm such an emotional person. Get attached too easily, fall too fast,hard too hard and i don't know know how pure hatred is suppose to work.
It kills me inside when my students lies and doesn't live up to my expectation and most of the time instead of being really angry at them, i feel damn upset when an 8 year old innocent kid is lying or stealing.
When i see how irresponsible their damn parents are, i feeling like going up to them to give them a lecture too.Fuck you if you can fool around and decide you want a child but you just let her wild when you feel like you can't damn control her.
Yes yes,that's when i say i care too much. I don't know why it seems like i'm taking care of 30 of my own children and i'm so attached and affected by every single one of them.
I don't even act like i'm 19 now. I miss all the shorts,my cropped tops and the casual conversations.I miss joking around 24/7 and talking about the most cheesy stuffs and have girlfriends to accompany me to toilet breaks.
It's damn sad when you don't know how to joke right in front of your colleagues because you don't want to offend others and most of the days,i go walk home alone feeling unbelievingly lonely. I used to have either peishan or bernyce to walk me to the mrt station(at least) but now i'm all alone. When i'm all down after work and i wish there was someone to talk to, i only have myself. I don't even dare to ask anyone out for dinner or fun and sometimes when i'm just slightly friendlier to the male colleagues in the staff room, i'm so damn afraid others would think i'm flirting..sigh.
In class,i have to speak and act perfectly. Damn the grammar and tenses and i can never understand why i keep saying CLOSE THE LIGHTS. IT'S TURN OFF THE LIGHT FOR GOD SAKE. I almost called one of my student 'dude' and because i use english so much nowadays, i relief chinese lessons stuttering in bad chinese.
How can i still be feeling so angsty after that 1 hour of yoga and 100 x 60 counts of deep breathing and child's pose. Dear god.
You are stronger than you think :)
ReplyDeleteHey thanks :) Whoever you are stay strong too :)
DeleteLife can't be always rough!