You are a little pinch in my heart lately.

Tonight

Tonight, i miss the multiple sushi tei celebrations i went through,
Tonight,i miss working at sushi tei,
Tonight, i miss the fun moments at indonesia,
Tonight, i fucking miss the dark sauce with ginger chicken and the moments where we sat in the car and sang after a day of fun
Tonight, i miss being so skinny,
Tonight, i miss being so in love,
Tonight, i miss the days i had bangs and was so overwhelmed with hello kitty,
Tonight i miss the girl who would wear a big ribbon and put on a pair of stockings with ribbons printed and have ribbons on her phone.
Tonight, i miss the girl who had braces
Tonight, i miss the days where i always had pei shan and bernyce by my side,
Tonight, i miss being young.

People changes, but memories will always remain.
Always.

Instagram thoughts

#captivated

 Travelling.

Three months back, i thought i found a companion. Cozy cafes, books, warm drinks, deep conversations, coffee, photographs and maybe a new found friendship. We would enjoy long walks together, we could depend on one another, we would give each other space but we would still remain as friends.

I thought i really could have a platonic friendship with a man. 

But it didn't work out. 

Sometimes very often, i wonder how do a guy feel exactly if a girl asked them out for a movie? Will they think differently about the girl? Will they expect something from the girl?

Is it even possible for a pair to hang out without any slightest interest in one another?

I find myself holding back yet too very often to ask a boy out. Even when i'm simply enjoy going out with him or the fact that i need a companion for dinner, i find it almost impossible to ask a guy out alone without feeling worried that it might give him the wrong idea.
Is it the society or my mentality?

Well,I find myself feel quite lonely these days. Maybe it's the sudden burden from work and the fact that i can't really combat workload when i'm at home. There's either too much nagging, distractions or the fact that the bed is just one arm's length away from my work desk.

Yet when work ends and i want to look for a place or maybe a person to accompany me to hang out with, there's just..no one.

Or maybe i don't know who to approach.

And this brings me to the inspiration of this post. I love the London during fall. How the orange clover-shaped leaves scatters on the pavement. How beautiful the houses look in the pictures. The empty pavements and windy mornings.......

Travelling. 

How i wished i could do it together with a friend. I don't know who but just someone who would jog with me around the park during dawn, have a sumptuous breakfast before we head out to the cities. We would take lots of photos on the way. He/she would accompany me to ransack Topshop and we will have a slice of cheesecake on the way to the vintage store right down Pierce street. We would sing katy perry's 'Fireworks' or maybe the Adele's 'Set fire to the rain'. Then we would take more pictures and  go to the parks to look at beautiful people strolling with their dogs. Before the sunsets we would catch a glimpse of the orange sky filled with red streamers and talk about the places we would go during our next holiday. There will be subways, cheap street food, bargaining, lots of long walks and  some local band performances at the pub when the night falls. 

2 weeks. 

The trip will take no less than 2 weeks. We will come back with a younger heart and a stronger friendship.

I love daydreaming to realities that are going to open up soon.

Soon.

Any takers?

Mondays.

Tonight, I just feel like lying on someone and acting like a little girl who just accidentally released her favourite balloon into the deep,blue sky. Does anyone have a clue how I'm feeling?

Just one of the perfect weekend

Saturday was amazingly memorable. 

3 hours of cycling till i had some good butt muscles, endless camwhoring,beautiful photos and mostly the fact that i'm hanging with pei shan,bernyce and the guys.

It's lovely how we can share our lives with each other even though all of us are in so different environments and i really really miss my poly days...

The days when i can sleep in class(half-guilty), skipping classes for the lamest movie just to pass time, stroll into lecture class 1 hour late and nearly getting into bitch fights with my classmate haha

We'll never walk into class without waiting for one another at the platform,leaving the school together trying to get on the jam-packed train and sharing food during breaks.......................

I'm utterly upset yet pleased that at least..at least i met them ;)

I love marathons.
Thousands of people of different size,age,sex,gender and race gather together for a trail that might be their first, their last and it might be even the trail to the next marathon they would be signing up for.

Nike run was definitely one of the toughest marathon i experienced. Started of later than usual,sun was burning and the crowd was humongous. There were slopes and bumps, lots of body odour and too much people blocking the way for my first 3k. I had to run on grass patches, squeeze through many pairs and avoid some groups who were running and browsing at youtube on the way.

There were also couples who encouraged each other on the way(which may me felt guilty leaving my buddy behind hahahaha), brothers who cheered each other on and some extremely obese friends who put in their effort to participate despite how tough it might be on them.
Not to mention that my competitive partner and a very easy-going one complimented the morning. Joining the race was an entirely random decision and even though we ain't the closest of friends, he was willing to try it out with me. The run was tough but he never gave up, he wasn't athletic but he tried training before the race and the fact that he didn't stop catching up with me until the very last minute was admirable.
Can't help but to give this dude credits ;)

Well,having the opportunity to witness such beautiful moments on my journey definitely makes the run so worthwhile and  i can never understand why people would feel that marathons are a waste of money.
I find it an opportunity for me to push myself to my limits and the empowerment after you complete your race is thought-provoking.


Some people join for the prize, some people join for the sake of their friends, some people join for the freebies, some people join for the joy of making new friends, some people join for the love of running, and some people join to challenge themselves.
Where do you belong to?

I can't decide.

My life?

Not really into words nowadays. It's generally a good thing because i tend to blog when i'm utterly overwhelmed but these days have been good. 

Been hanging around with my secondary school friends pretty much and they are lovely lovely friends i'v got there. Spent the entire Saturday combing town for my girlfriends' present with 4 men and they didn't even try giving up.

Cherish your secondary school friends people. They might be the only few you are left to spend with during your mid-life crisis  :)

 Parade of healthy vegan food at Real Food (Clarke Quay's basement) & Pique Nique
and some dark intense chocolate for the week......so intense, my workout was
equally insane.

Everyone's so genuinely happy. That's what you get jue ying is present. haha

  Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me-please sensor the face yourself.

And the unknown reason why i love taking photos after a super intense workout. No,i don't only own this top.

I'm good. What about you?

4th October 2012

(Try visualising how i handle all of these monkeys. Wild imagination required.)
Check out how sweaty i look.Everyday.



Children's Day 2012. Another memorable day for me. It was just like my mother's birthday all over but way more effort involved :)

We had two amazing concert and after that i had my own mini one in my class :)
Ordered dominos pizza, i made chocolate cornflakes,cupcakes and we had games!
They totally saw the 19 years old me come through when we 'oppa gangnam style' together for forfeits and it was so much fun????
I can totally let loose of myself in front of them because they are so adorable and they don't judge!Even when i'm dancing to the song 'If you are happy and you know', I really dance with pure joy haha

Spent bucks on them,stayed up late to customise bookmarks with their favourite cartoon,preparing cornflakes for them,skipping meals, running around the school like a madcow carry three pizzas and 5 cartoons of drinks and missing my exercising schedule... i still think it's worth it.
Even if they don't hug me and tell me that it was their best children's day, even if i don't see the smiles they had when we dance together and even if their parents didn't text me to thank me for organising all the arrangements, i'll still go all the way out.
Because i truly enjoy giving. And they did :) They loved the preparations!

This year,our level had to organise the children's day concert and it was crazy fun.I love events.I like how the teachers get together and come out with something fun and it's every single time an event is over,you will start to see your staff table packed full with food and small tokens(some examples shown only)

(Goodies!! I gave away almost all to my cousins (: haha the chocolates in my fridge are accumulating!)

It was just like our own mini children's day..my table was full of angry bird cupcakes, chocolate covered cookies, chocolate and even bookmark and cute pens (:
Even though we can easily afford all this items, it's really lovely to see how other teachers will prepare items for one another even though it can be totally unnecessary.
I like to see the effort people put in for each other and even though we are all not as close to hang out together(due to too many reasons), i like the whole teaching atmosphere so much.
I guess it's because we are all people who are willing to give more than receive and it really warms my heart when i see all this from my colleagues!

And my #ootd for the dress-down day today heh

This job is taxing, this job will be never suitable for anyone who are thinking of earning big bucks and this job is changes just like the weather.
You will never know when you will get the worse parent's compliant or the nastiest situation.
I complain, I cry, I rant but the very next day when i'm in my class. Things reverse. Those cute innocent monkeys............

Everyday is just like a new start. I made mistakes and I learn from all of them.
Every single day, i discover something i can change to make a slight difference in someone else life, my passion in learning grows as i teach, i learn to appreciate and i learn to be more disciplinary towards myself.
Months passes by just like weeks, everyday is fast moving and definitely exhausting.

But i don't think i'll ever give up on teaching. Because it's a job that constantly surprises me and i enjoy giving more than receiving

That will never change and i hope my stamina will never die down (:

WHY SO BLUE

I bring home assignments to mark, coloured papers to cut, laptop to plan my weekly schedule and now a bag full of emotions.

I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me but I'm such an emotional person. Get attached too easily, fall too fast,hard too hard and i don't know know how pure hatred is suppose to work.

It kills me inside when my students lies and doesn't live up to my expectation and most of the time instead of being really angry at them, i feel damn upset when an 8 year old innocent kid is lying or stealing.
When i see how irresponsible their damn parents are, i feeling like going up to them to give them a lecture too.Fuck you if you can fool around and decide you want a child but you just let her wild when you feel like you can't damn control her.
Yes yes,that's when i say i care too much. I don't know why it seems like i'm taking care of 30 of my own children and i'm so attached and affected by every single one of them.

I don't even act like i'm 19 now. I miss all the shorts,my cropped tops and the casual conversations.I miss joking around 24/7 and talking about the most cheesy stuffs and have girlfriends to accompany me to toilet breaks.
It's damn sad when you don't know how to joke right in front of your colleagues because you don't want to offend others and most of the days,i go walk home alone feeling unbelievingly lonely. I used to have either peishan or bernyce to walk me to the mrt station(at least) but now i'm all alone. When i'm all down after work and i wish there was someone to talk to, i only have myself. I don't even dare to ask anyone out for dinner or fun and sometimes when i'm just slightly friendlier to the male colleagues in the staff room, i'm so damn afraid others would think i'm flirting..sigh.

In class,i have to speak and act perfectly. Damn the grammar and tenses and i can never understand why i keep saying CLOSE THE LIGHTS. IT'S TURN OFF THE LIGHT FOR GOD SAKE. I almost called one of my student 'dude' and because i use english so much nowadays, i relief chinese lessons stuttering in bad chinese.

How can i still be feeling so angsty after that 1 hour of yoga and 100 x 60 counts of deep breathing and child's pose. Dear god.