HAPPY BIRTHDAY

 It's unbelievable how 2013 is coming to an end and yes, being 21 is absolutely worth celebrating for.

Not for the branded wallet, the branded bags or ang baos but the fact that I am so damn fortunate for having beautiful people around.

I think I am a pretty lucky girl. Typing while I sit next to this beautiful and big-hearted woman who taught me to be who I am today. Nope, not the smartest, sexiest nor the slyest but she taught me how to look at life and appreciate it simply. To be humble, kind and giving. 

Family. A tight one just with a few aunties and cousins is enough to keep my belly full of warm, home-cooked meals with lots of long stories and new beginnings.

9 years of friendship. To have a bunch of friends whom know you for at least 6 years. Change you throughout and watch you change. The kind of friends whom you can laugh with and laugh at. The kind who did cry for you and make you cry. This friendship must be the greatest gift I have received and to have 10 of them, it's a jackpot.

Then you have this person. Whom had never caught much of your eyes. Whom you did rather hug than kiss. Whom you did rather like than love. Who knew? He turned out to be the best gift of the year.

While you wish upon a better you,

I wish upon a happier us.

Forever 21 xx

I don't know what to do

Have you ever felt that way?
When you are perfectly in love but you just take everything way too seriously?
How you can't stop thinking that nothing will eventually be okay?
It's so complicated this thing love is.
You hate it, you dislike it yet it pesters you and sticks on you like a bloody leech.

Sometimes I really wished I was a little more naive, a little more insensitive.
I wished I wouldn't be able to feel so attached to someone, I wished I wouldn't wish on empty streets, I wish beautiful illusions wouldn't appear at the back of my head before bed.
I wish I was all that less emotional.
So that I wouldn't get bruised but little remarks, so that I wouldn't get overwhelmed by small surprises and make big dreams out of them.

I hate weakness in my bones, insecurity flowing through me and all that tears that stings the eyes to my soul.
I don't know what to do.

What can I do?

How Long Will I Love You

And I thought, I have to share.
The kind of song which reads my tired soul, holds my anxiety and brings me to the good old memories at the cinema.

Everything I want now, as simple as it seems.

We're all traveling through time together
Every day of our lives
All we can do is do our best
To relish this remarkable ride

Conversation

Jue Ying : I'm afraid I'm not doing enough for group assignments.
Jue Ying :I think I'm trying my best in school.

Jue Ying :I think I suck at presentations.
Jue Ying :I think I am improving.

Jue Ying :I think my English needs to be better.
Jue Ying :I think my English is fine and that voice at the back of my mind needs to shut up.
Jue Ying :I think my vocabulary can be more extensive.
Jue Ying :I think my vocabulary dictionary can be broaden if I got more time for my storybooks.Maybe not.

Jue Ying :I think I can forget about crossing over.
Jue Ying :I think not crossing over is fine because I leading a fulfilling life is more important than  ANYTHING IN NIE

Jue Ying :I think I don't dress like a teacher.
Jue Ying: I don't think anyone is born to look like a teacher.

Jue Ying :I think my shorts are too short.*pulls hem*
Jue Ying :I think my shorts are fine. Wearing jeans doesn't make you a more decent person. Your legs hate them.
Jue Ying :I think I am weird because I'm not upset that I got a B+

Jue Ying :What? You ain't satisfied with your A?
.....Actually,I think it's ok to get a B+ because life still goes on whether my assignment is graded A+ or B+
SO WHY WASTE A DAY BEING UNHAPPY OVER ...ASSIGNMENTS.
Jue Ying :I think I should stay home everyday to do my assignment.
Jue Ying :Meh.

WHY IS LIFE SO HARD

Yes, Me

 

" I think I am always a dreamer. I guess most of us are.

Some dreams are created, Some are real but mostly, they just happen on books. "

“If you can make a woman laugh, you can make her do anything.”

I think so too.

Credits Bubzbeauty

Jeep

He was more than someone who was ordinary.  He was a like a old friend, but it never felt like an old friend. He makes her laugh so much that she didn't mind losing herself. He's an actor but she was better an actress. They would sit by a cafe and act like complete strangers trying to meet each other for the first time. They would laugh and continue acting. He showed her that it was the kind of small things that means everything. 

He knew how to read her emotions. She was like a book to him. He always made sure she brought her smile around.He listened. She talked. They could go on for hours and dates but it never felt like enough. She never knew how amazing it is to find someone who wants to hear about all the things that goes on in her head. They bickered mostly, in weird dialect and funny foreign language but they both understood. He took great care of her. She never had to worry about losing her way, or losing her heart. He took greater care of her mother. He will never understand how good that makes her feel.

She never knew how to handle love. She enjoys relationship but love terrifies her. He didn't care about how she felt. He didn't care about her assumptions and fears. He showed her something more important than any of those things. He showed her that she was a part of his life. He makes it hard for her because she knew deep down that it would be hard for anyone to replace him. 

She knew that no one else even comes a close second. 

Life

It's impossible to deny how much I miss typing in this space.

School has been really tough recently struggling between 10 modules and 4 hours of sleep most weekdays.

Some days when I feel like writing, words just don't flow like the rain.

Maybe tonight is one of those nights, after deleting a chunk of uninteresting facts about my school life.

It's not all that pretty on my blog but well I think life isn't suppose to be that pretty.

Through busy mondays and long fridays you scream how TGIF feels.

Through dateline and assignments, you thank those little moments you get to pick up that novel you had no time to caress. 

Through classmates and schoolmates,you realise how precious it is to be fully comfortable around your clique.

Through bad days and tough times, you appreciate the warm hugs and short dinners. 

It's rather a struggle in school, but looking at where I have come so far,

I think there's nothing more than another war that I can't fight.

I was never the winner but I think I make a good fighter.

And that, is good enough for me.

Peter Platter

This rain is beautiful
This sound of the pitter-patter
This sweet smell of dew
This cold breeze that kisses my cheeks
This song that's playing on my playlist
This freshly brewed tea on the wooden brown table
This colour on the wall
This pyjamas that feels like nothing
This bolster that provides warmth
This night is beautiful

It should be beautiful

Death

So what do you think of the title of my post the moment you read it?

Tears? Pain? Anguish?

So...recently I have attended a talk in school and there was a part of the talk that really cling onto my memory for the longest period of time.

Experiencing death of our loved ones at our age seems inevitable and extremely painful because everything becomes so transparent.

Funerals used to be places where younger us just sit and enjoy sweets but now it's difficult to pass one without leaving the place heavy-hearted.
Most of us know that death is never easy to be left behind but who actually thinks about death?


 Spare a few minutes and watch this. I promise you will not regret.

    

"Two of the most valuable thing we have is time and our relationship with people.
In our age of increasing distraction, it's more important than ever to find ways to maintain perspective and remember that life is brief and tender.

Death is something that was always discouraged to talk about or even think about but i realisd that preparing for death is one of the empowering thing to do.
Thinking of death clarifies your life."

-- Candy Chang

Many at times we spend too much time rushing for datelines, we get caught up with the assignment and meeting schedules that we lose track of time.
It's never easy to balance out that work life/school life in this competitive society but always always ask yourself this.
"What really matter as you grow and change?"


Before I die,
I want to use my time to share love and pass on the joy of loving.
I want to have a beautiful family of my own.
(And after the video... I want to visit New Orleans!!!!!!!!!!!!)


Now, what about you?

Appreciate

I'v been missing this space for far too long. Thoughts come and go, words pieced and jumbled.


Just recent, I went back to school. It's no longer the days where you try to out-dress your friends or look swag with the newest hair-do and freshly-painted nails. Missing lectures and being late used to be one of my clique's distinctive habit.
Not now. Paying attention to lectures and tutorials seems to be effortless, making friends are a must, painted nails only happens once every special occasion,tinted hair don't seems to match storybooks and my presentation-any-time tutorials and I'm just really satisfied with 2 good friends whom laughs at me ,buys me sweet treats and waits me for me to attend school together.

I changed to realised how everything that used to be important seems so immeasurable,
and how everything that used to be non-existent suddenly becomes so clear and dear.

"Take photo of your mother when you catch her licking like a toddler with her first ice-cream."
"Always take photos with someone you love because you never know when it's history."
"Talk to yourself like how you would to someone you love."
"Keep laughing at yourself."
"Make time for your friends, your old friends, your new friends and your social friends."
"Be generous. Be generous to yourself and people whom needs it more than you."


What's school when I learn more than the curriculum can ever provide?

Because I would like to think, our love is one in a million.

Dreams?

I think I grew up without a dream.
I mean, I definitely drew doctors and wrote about being lawyers in my Journal when I was in Primary 2 but I don't think I ever had a real dream.
I never knew what I always wanted and even when I went for the interview to join the teaching force, it wasn't a dream.
It was just a path. Yes, that path that most of us are facing in life now.
Studying in a kindergarten, primary school, secondary school, tertiary life,ending with a Bach certification  and looking for a job to survive in this competitive society.
Teaching and working for the government was just an easier way out for myself and my Mother's bank account.

Do I regret my choice?
I don't think I did. Teaching gave me far too many heart-warming moments that no one in my life would be able to make up for.
This career is so beautiful that I think it's worth my effort to pursue further in pedagogy to make myself a more 'complete' teacher.

Should it be considered my dream job now?
I don't think so.My heart desires for more than this. I know I desire to travel, I desire to meet more amazing people, I desired working part-time at a busy restaurant in US serving pork ribs and receiving tips from strangers to earn my plane ticket. I desire going Japan to have a bowl of piping ramen with a cup of hot green tea, so do I desire looking at the sea and tanning beside the coast of Australia. I desire to volunteer and give without looking for any returns.

But on the other hand, my heart is chained. I am not willing to walk away from my responsibility towards my family, burn my savings from all this (selfish) desires and leave my job to travel because I want to be adventurous.

Then you think about all those dreams and aspirations you have. Did you do what makes you happy? Are you happy with the person you’ve become? With the kind of life you live? Did you take enough risks? Or did you do what you were told because it guaranteed comfort and security in your life?

Yea,life is all fucked up. I wish I knew all the answers to the question.
One day, I might be ready to face the fact that they were all written here.
I would take the leap to freed, the leap of risking and no one will get a chance to convince me.
I'll go and come back,prouder and stronger than ever before.

My lullaby

Achingly beautiful.

Look

       

 My baby nephew, my cousin & cousin's wife
Credits
pinchmybaby


Yesterday as I looked into the face of the newborn, I saw more than just the adorable cheeks and the dark bushy hair.
I saw the protection from his mother's presence, how glorious his birth was to my family.
I wondered why his heartbeats were irregular and how obvious his ribs were thumping to his strong little heart.
Their first family photo left me speechless, at the intensity of the expressions, the naked skin that portrayed the naked souls of the lovely couple and the serenity of the little one in the palms of his parents.

 Perspectives.
Strange how I am staring out at life with the same pair of eyes for the past 20 years only to realise how different I look at this world as the years crept past.

Beauty is not found on the surface.
It is found in the words, on the pages of the books, it is found in photos and the art of photography.
It is found in actions, random act of kindness and a stranger's smile.
It is found in the creation of cards, of flowers and of efforts joined without notes found in your black leather wallets.
Beauty is everywhere.

Look around
you will find things that
 are priceless
 and the best you can ever receive

Some days I find myself wandering into this space, just for that urge to type.
My life ain't fantastic and I think my circle of close friends are also pretty predictable.
I do wonder who I'm typing for and then I realised it's always for myself.
The background of the blog was done for my self-pleasure, the reason why I left it anonymous was for the sake of being anonymous and even though sometimes I avoid posting  in case it's gets to emotional or mushy,I think I should.

I love this space so much and I secretly wonder if blogger is going to grow old with me.
May the day comes and my don't even need to use my fingers to type before my arrays of thoughts appear on this screen, that would be pretty cool too.
I also secretly wonder if there's any anonymous people who never even met me in real person,or a friend whom I have yet spoken for the longest time, or my school colleague or anyone that cease to exist in my memories..I wonder if they read my blog.

Well after all that random musing I think I want to share my week

So I started on crafting, because I stumbled upon this lovely blog and it's really inspiring. The blogger is a mother and that makes me even more intrigued due to the nature of my job( not because I want to start on breastfeeding already)

The feather makes a unique gift as a room decoration, a bookmark or a card design. Go get some at ArtFriend (:

  And then, I got into making my bedroom a little more interesting but adding photos, cards, feathers and even more photos.
It's pretty Victorian-themed now and I think it's going to get better.

Needless to say,I had to spend my holiday baking!

I baked because the loaf hides the smell of the haze and I hope it is not all self-denial because I think they all taste pretty good to me. 

For-The-Gym-Rat Protein Loaf

2 cups almond flour

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

pinch of salt

2 eggs

1/2 cup greek yogurt (best bought at indian minimarts)

1/4 cup of honey(or lesser for the health freak)

2 teaspoon of lemon zest

1 cup of blueberries

Preheat oven 180 degrees Celsius

Combine dry ingredients.

In another bowl, beat eggs lightly.

Stir in honey, yougurt and zest.

Combine wet and dry ingredients. 

Gently fold in blueberries(make sure they don'y burst) into the batter.

Bake 30 minutes until golden brown.

Adapted from  Apple Lemon Honey Almond Cake

I think this makes a pretty good diet staple. It works better than crunches.

First recipe, maybe more to come.Maybe not.

The first 7 Days

"Happiness is just a state of mind."

1. Meals

 

          

The art of preparing food. Eating with gold plated spoons,chopping up ingredients from the most original form and buying food that you will never feel guilty indulging in.
No doubt this was the best part of my holidays. To stay home and whip up meals like a nigga housewife and behave like an amateur photographer.


2. Time-out

 

Just me,myself and my shopping bags.
Going for a bowl of Simon and Garfunkel, buying things on my list,stopping by for a cup of Yami Yogurt, visiting the nail parlour and ending the day with a roll of popiah.
I love doting on myself and I don't think that will ever change.
So it's either working harder or just, working harder.

3. Buying treats

                    

Visited Tim Ho Wan with my Mum and PJ last weekend and we found it rather disappointing. 

The poor boy had to queue for an hour and the service procedures there was pretty inflexible.

Other than the 'BBQ pork bun' and  the 'spinach garlic dumpling', all the other food tasted rather mediocre to me.

I'm not exactly very carnivorous so if I had a choice, I would definitely go for Swee Choon.

Their egg tarts and custard buns are very much more satisfying than Tim Ho Wan's limited menu screaming shrimp and pork meat.

Not to mention, the meal wasn't exactly pocket-friendly.

4. Celebration

Opportunities where everyone would make time to mingle around and talk about how puberty changed us, and our thinking.
I certainly enjoyed looking at everyone all dressed up and looking good (:

5. Family time

 
Though not a fan of animals, I was pretty fascinated by the amount of sea creatures that I got to read about.
The whole journey lasted for a good 3 hours and it was definitely quality family bonding time.
Good place for grandparents to visit.....................
My grandfather: " This fish is gonna taste good fried, This... steamed."
"Oh that, the fish used in nasi lemak.."
Certainly unexpected but very adorable of him (:


Now, I'm feeling quite blessed typing in my room and hiding from the terrible haze outside.
Going to give my wardrobe a new look.
Will be back soon


xx