Dreams?

I think I grew up without a dream.
I mean, I definitely drew doctors and wrote about being lawyers in my Journal when I was in Primary 2 but I don't think I ever had a real dream.
I never knew what I always wanted and even when I went for the interview to join the teaching force, it wasn't a dream.
It was just a path. Yes, that path that most of us are facing in life now.
Studying in a kindergarten, primary school, secondary school, tertiary life,ending with a Bach certification  and looking for a job to survive in this competitive society.
Teaching and working for the government was just an easier way out for myself and my Mother's bank account.

Do I regret my choice?
I don't think I did. Teaching gave me far too many heart-warming moments that no one in my life would be able to make up for.
This career is so beautiful that I think it's worth my effort to pursue further in pedagogy to make myself a more 'complete' teacher.

Should it be considered my dream job now?
I don't think so.My heart desires for more than this. I know I desire to travel, I desire to meet more amazing people, I desired working part-time at a busy restaurant in US serving pork ribs and receiving tips from strangers to earn my plane ticket. I desire going Japan to have a bowl of piping ramen with a cup of hot green tea, so do I desire looking at the sea and tanning beside the coast of Australia. I desire to volunteer and give without looking for any returns.

But on the other hand, my heart is chained. I am not willing to walk away from my responsibility towards my family, burn my savings from all this (selfish) desires and leave my job to travel because I want to be adventurous.

Then you think about all those dreams and aspirations you have. Did you do what makes you happy? Are you happy with the person you’ve become? With the kind of life you live? Did you take enough risks? Or did you do what you were told because it guaranteed comfort and security in your life?

Yea,life is all fucked up. I wish I knew all the answers to the question.
One day, I might be ready to face the fact that they were all written here.
I would take the leap to freed, the leap of risking and no one will get a chance to convince me.
I'll go and come back,prouder and stronger than ever before.